Reading Sandman start to finish over the last couple of weeks probably hasn’t helped - it never does a huge amount for my mental health - but as Saturday draws closer I’m getting more and more pissed off. I’m angry that I can’t go. I’m sad that my friends can, and probably will. And I’m terrified that after Saturday everything will get nasty again, even if only for a short while. Because every time that happens I find it harder to deal with.

I don’t think I’ll be able to fully get past this until there’s nothing I’m prevented from doing because Dan used to be married. It’s affecting me more, rather than less, as time goes on because I don’t want it to still be an issue.

But I guess that’s the price I pay for breaking up a marriage. If I get away entirely scott-free that’s not really fair, is it?