January 2012
I’ve gone through my entire life not talking to people about the things that matter. 26 years is a lot of conditioning. And it’s not that I don’t want to break the habit, it’s that I don’t know how. I have no idea how to start these conversations. So I post things on here, knowing you’ll read them, hoping you’ll understand how I’m feeling and talk to me about it. Then it makes everything worse and...
So many tears
Reading Sandman start to finish over the last couple of weeks probably hasn’t helped - it never does a huge amount for my mental health - but as Saturday draws closer I’m getting more and more pissed off. I’m angry that I can’t go. I’m sad that my friends can, and probably will. And I’m terrified that after Saturday everything will get nasty again, even if only for a short while. Because every...
Urgently needed....
gatesofsilentmemory:
About £100,000 so that we can give up the day jobs before one of us kills someone.
Every Monday it gets harder to go back into work. Every new pr client we take on, every band who wants to work with us, every gig we organise all makes it clearer to me that this is something we really are good at - not just something we think we can do but something other people genuinely want us to do for them. Which is amazing and utterly brilliant in every way. But I don’t know how we...
Incredibly strange dream last night.
I’m sitting in a pub with some of Dan’s oldest friends. They’re all lovely but I’m feeling pretty awkward right now. They all knew his wife, of course, and it’s all I can do to keep from asking them “what was she like? What were they like together? Did you think he was happy with her?”
I’m torn between wanting to know the answers and dreading them....
I miss you blogging on here. I miss that thrill of logging in to see that you’ve written something. I love the way that you write; the flow and the cadence, and to have someone write that well, that beautifully about me and us and what we have together - that was something truly special.
I miss that. I wish Jo hadn’t found your blog. I’m not saying that’s why you...
I’ve just realised what the date of the Rumour Cubes album launch is (in addition to being the date of the Rumour Cubes album launch, of course).
It’s both wonderful and terribly sad, perfectly right and touching and potentially liable to make me freak out and have a very bad night indeed.
Next weekend is Sunken Dymonds. I’m trying not to think about that. Unsuccessfully, unfortunately.
I’m trying to find something to do on the Saturday night. There are some great things going on - of course there are, it’s London.
I imagine, though, that when it comes down to it I’ll stay at home, drink too much wine and feel sorry for myself - closely followed by getting angry with myself for...
Me: the cat is trying to undress me
Dan: good cat
There was a story in the paper this morning. A woman who worked at the Sony DADC warehouse that was burned down during the riots hanged herself because she didn’t think she would ever be able to find another job. It resonated with me too much. Partly because on the day I tried to kill myself I’d just been turned down for two jobs, and partly because since August we’ve been raising money for the...
Today has been a total wash out. I just want to curl up and hide.
Help us make a Music Bloggers Map
guardianmusic:
Shamelessly ripping off this map here, we thought we’d try to set up a collaborative map to show what areas of the UK (and elsewhere) people are writing music blogs about.
So, if you’re writing about your local music scene, let us know by adding yourself to this map. To do so, sign in to Google, click on this link and click ‘edit’ to add your placemark with a description of, and...
Here’s a tip, if you want people to know you’re no longer with your ex, try fucking well moving on.
I suffer from depression. I’m always ill. The surprising thing is that I make it into work at all, not that occasionally I feel compelled to stay in bed. But that’s not the thing. You didn’t want me there. That’s the thing.
The Last Post: A 1000-word status update
dangoodswen:
(via: wordsbydan)
This is the last post. The final update. The end. We didn’t fail without trying, but we failed just the same.
The revolution was not televised. The revolution was broadcast, and the revolution failed. We failed. It was shown on every screen, in every home, captured by amatuers on mobile devices, uploaded wirelessly in seconds, broadcasted simultaneously across...
I feel very flat today.
Definition of irony: Band makes album then splits up due to disagreement on launch event.
Ugh. This is becoming exactly as stressful as I didn’t want it to be.
I’m actually almost in tears. How utterly fucking ridiculous. I need to get over myself.
I feel like shit. Like this isn’t going to actually work out so, honestly, what’s the point in trying? Like I’m never going to be in a position to give up my day job so I should really be paying more attention to it. Like things shouldn’t be this difficult. Like I’m trying to do too much, too soon, too quickly. Like I just want to curl up into a ball and let other people sort everything out. Like...
Ow ow ow ow ow I hate being a girl ow ow ow ow ow.
Seriously. There is nothing comparable to this kind of pain.
2012 is going to be our year.
December 2011
I really do hate her though. Which is massively hard to deal with in itself.
I think one of the big problems here is that I’m arming myself for a confrontation that I know is never going to happen. We’re never going to actually communicate directly in any way. This arsenal of words I’ve been stockpiling is destined to never be used in anger, but it is ready and primed and calling off the attack is easier said than done.
She doesn’t read my blog...
[Name-Redacted] just sent me the BEST THING EVER in the form of two videos which I am about to share with you.
Make sure you watch both of them. And then tell me how much your life has been changed.
anotherfuckinggenerationykid asked: haha when i first got it, i seriously played for about 10 hours straight pretty much every day for a week, but then i started working so D: i can't anymore lol seriously IT IS SO GOOD! what are you?? IM A WOOD ELF! haha
Well, I managed to hold my tongue last night in the end. I’m still pretty fucking angry, though. How do I get past this? Any suggestions?
(I could go on a full blown rant but I’m going to attempt not to. It may well depend on how much cider I drink tonight)
Making people pick sides is not going to do you any favours at all. Quite apart from the fact that it’s massively immature.
Some thoughts on poetry and bad writers
Why do some people seem to think that making their writing rhyme automatically makes it better?
Rhyming itself is easy, but scansion, rhythm and flow are not. In my opinion it is far, far harder to write rhyming poetry well than non-rhyming poetry or prose.
Rhyming doesn’t lend weight, impact or intelligence. Far more often it just makes what you’re writing sound trite, especially...
Happy Fucking Christmas!
So far, Christmas with Dan and my family is truly fucking awesome